Monster Teacher

High-Stakes Testing. I do not think much of those three words.  They represent the insidious side of public education today.  All else pales in comparison to the Almighty Test Score.  We bow before it like the Mayans in front of their sacrificial alter.  If a child does well, then the heavens open and golden rain falls on that child, his teacher, and the school in general.  If he or she does poorly, then there is subsidized housing in your future and a monthly welfare check with your name on it.  You are doomed to failure and poverty.  Your life will be grim, grim, grim.  We live or die by standardized test scores. 

Thank you, President Bush and Ted Kennedy…

Does No Child Left Behind have merit?  Well, my friend, if the educational experts could come to some consensus on that issue, then cancer would be eradicated, young men would stop going to war, and every living human being would live in a palace.  This debate truly embodies the clear dividing line between government-run education and letting Education run itself.  Do politicians make good educational decisions?  I’ll just leave it there.  It is too big and too complex to fillet in this post.  I only mention it to lay the framework for this tale.  The bottom line is, standardized testing translates to stress for all involved.

It goes something like this:  There are two major assessment blocks in our school.  The first is testing that federal government mandates and uses to make funding decisions for states and school districts based upon these scores. The second is a voluntary standardized test called the MAP test (Measures of Academic Progress).  These we begin in Kindergarten and the scores from these are used for a wide variety of purposes that affect everything from Needs Based Instruction groupings to retention decisions, and ultimately, classroom instruction planning.   Needless to say, they are a big deal around here.

Because they are standardized, there is much more weight given the these test scores, than say, subject grades on report cards.  These tests are considered very scientific and have a low range of error.  They are considered to be a fairly true measure of a child’ s progress, or lack thereof.

And truly, having this information in my hands is a wonderful gift, in terms of both short-term and long-range planning.  The different components of math and reading are broken down into tight skill areas, so that I can see at a glance if little Johnny struggles with comprehension more than phonetic awareness, for example.  What teacher isn’t glad to have such information?

The part that is stressful for we teachers, is that we are judged as teachers by these scores.  Good teachers produce good scores.  Bad teachers produce bad scores.  Right?  This only makes sense. 

Now, please don’t misunderstand.  I am all about accountability for teachers.  We are employees of the taxpayer, as well as the school district.  We certainly SHOULD be held accountable.  And furthermore, I feel there are a lot of teachers out there that should think long and hard about doing something besides teaching.  Our children deserve hard-working, dedicated professionals.  Not lazy, frustrated, burned-out educators that really don’t much care for children in the first place.  Get out and make room for someone who connects with kids, for goodness sakes!

I once had a teacher tell me outright during a parent/teacher conference that he did not like my son.  Well… what do you say to THAT little bombshell?  I didn’t think too much of him either after that, if you want to know the truth.

So, back to accountability.  I am all for it.  Really.  But let’s analyze standardized tests.  My students take the math and reading tests in two parts.  One week they take the math section and the next week the reading section.  Knowing that these two days of testing will publicly declare whether my students have learned all they should on my watch, is a bit disconcerting.  What if they don’t feel well that day?  What is life is stressful and distracting at home?  What if they have test anxiety and shut down mentally?  What if they just simply do not care?

Yeah… what if??

Obviously, these stresses on my shoulders have been inadvertently transferred to my precious Darlings.  Here’s how I know…

I always try to begin emphasizing the importance of doing our personal best several days before the tests.  I stress taking their time  -- it is not a race.  I also talk about not giving up too easily and just TRYING to think through and carefully answer each and every question.  This all sounds good and fairly benign, does it not?

But I made two glaring blunders.  Two horrible, new teacher mistakes.

1).  I obviously put a little TOO much emphasis on the whole testing thing AND, 2).  I stupidly thought it would be a good idea to have them do a practice test beforehand.  We have done practice tests before and no rocking of the proverbial boat occurred.  This time I chose a different practice test than what we had done before.  Unfortunately for my students, I was not able to preview the test and know exactly what skills they were testing on.  I knew it was in our grade range, so I went with it.  Apparently this bad boy was intended for young Einsteins.  It was HARD! 

About a third of the way through, their little heads began to swivel around in my direction and frantic words were loud-whispered to me, “Mrs. Dahl, this is hard!  Can you help me?”  No, dear.  I can’t.  Just do your best.  This is just a practice, remember.

After a few more minutes, the looks shooting my way were turning angry.  A mob was forming.  Mutiny was imminent.  After ten more minutes, they were simply despondent, completely beaten down with discouragement. 

The scores were abysmal.

I hurried them out of the Chamber of Doom and back to the safety of The Magic Tree House and tried to reassure each one that this had only been for practice and that the “real” test would not be nearly so difficult.  They would be fine.  Take a deep breath, my dears, and relax.  Why… when you take the test next week it will be a breeze!! 

These are the words I spoke with false cheerfulness as I secretly tore a hamstring trying to kick myself in my middle-aged butt. Stupid, old, green horn teacher!  I’m an idiot (no, please don’t come to my defense.  Your pity only makes it worse…)

That was End-of-the-World mistake number #1.

End-of-the-World mistake number #2 was far more serious and the one that leaves me a bit sickened even now as I type this.

We teachers do have the option of having students retake the test if we feel they did not perform on par with their abilities.  It is a bit of a gamble to do so, so we carefully consider this option.  Will the child be disheartened if they are singled out to take it again?  Will they do worse than the first time?  Will their teacher next year suffer the long-range consequences of a child who now has test anxiety due to over testing?  So much to consider…

I chose to have one of my students retake the test.  My reasoning was that this spring assessment was not a fair indicator of true potential.  This student had actually done better on the mid-year test.  I shared this with the student and set up a retake time. 

The student’s mother called me first thing the next morning and shared that the night before had been a night of tears and trauma.  My poor Little Darling had felt dispirited by the whole affair.

I was devastated. 

The very last thing in the entire whole cosmos I want to do is crush the spirit of a child.  First grade is so incredibly formative.  I have written about this many times.  First grade is foundational in their academic lives.  First grade sets the tone for the rest of their schooling.  First grade should be a wondrous journey of falling in love with learning.  First grade should make them want to go to second grade!

I had single handedly gouged a huge hole in this child’s schooling experience.  I hung up the phone and thought miserably, “Vonda, what are DOING??  Take a breath!  It is only a test!”  The worst part is, I had not realized I was transferring those feelings to my students.  I don’t think I realized how stressed over it I really was.  But kids are so intuitive.  They don’t make that stuff up.  I must have been and they must have felt it. 

It’s sort of like at home when you are getting ready for dinner company and you want everything to look great and taste delicious.  And you hope your children will be angels, and you’ve been cleaning for two days straight and want your guest to think your house is always that clean.  Then just before your guests arrive, you look in your children’s faces and see just a touch of nervous fear and you realize that maybe you have been a TAD uptight about everything.  Then you take a deep breath, smile at your babies, apologize for being grumpety (I just made that up and Spell Check is vetoing it).  The doorbell rings, your guests tumble in, and you have a great time and realize it had little to do with a clean house or delicious food.

I walked down to my classroom after The Call and arrived just as students were coming in the door.  I looked into their precious, priceless faces and knew that I had learned a valuable lesson.  It had been hard to hear that mother’s words, but I was glad she had taken the time to share that with me.  I had needed to hear it. 

When all were seated and the day had begun, I quietly got their attention and told them there was something I needed to say.  “Boys and girls, it has come to my attention that maybe our MAP test had some of you upset.  Is that true?”  The face of the student who’s mother had just called swiveled in my direction with a deer-in-the-headlights look.  A solemn head nodded in the affirmative.  I forged ahead.  “Children, I want you to know that while the test is important, it is not worth worrying over.  It is JUST A TEST.  If you do your best and don’t rush through it, you will be fine.”  I had their complete attention and knew by the looks on their faces that these feelings of nervousness had not been confined to one single student.

“I also want to apologize if I made you feel stressed about it.  I do not want any of you to feel that way, ever.  I am proud of each one of you and know you have tried your best.”  Tentative smiles were breaking out and the clouds parted.  I had just delivered my, I’m Sorry For Being Grumpety speech and smiled before welcoming dinner guests.  All was well.  Mom was herself again.  Order was restored and peace and harmony reigned once more.  They just really want their teacher to love and approve of them. 

Of course I do.  They really have no idea how very much.

The beauty of this tale is Mrs. Dahl got a do-over.  We had another test coming the next Wednesday and I determined with every fiber of my free-spirited, quasi-hippie body that I would do things differently. 

I mentioned the upcoming test beforehand, but just barely.  I always encourage them to get a good night of sleep and eat a hearty breakfast the day of the test.  One chuckling mother emailed me to let me know that her son had given her the riot act about needing a big breakfast to ensure testing success.  When asked what kind of breakfast he thought he needed, he rattled off a list akin to the Grand Slam at Denny’s.  And he got it.  And for the record, his score was through the roof. 

I also promised my Sweeties that I would bring Monster Cookies the day of the test.  If you are unfamiliar with this treat, they are cookies with the caloric content of roughly a Big Mac and Super Size fries.  They are baked large, they are delicious, and they are worth every diet-crash-and-burn calorie.  They are also loaded with peanut butter and oats, so I knew they would make a slow-burn brain booster just before testing.

The tests went great.  The kids were happier.  The day was low-key.  The teacher was the picture of cool confidence.  And The Monster (me) gave out cookies instead of ulcers. 

I fervently hope that My Darlings will be forgiving to a certain new teacher and suffer no long-term damage.  They are so dear and bright and tender.  My blunder at their expense will no doubt help future first graders have a better experience at test time. 

I think they’ve earned another round of cookies…