The Real Teacher

I am sitting in my classroom waiting for the next parents to trickle in.  It is that iconic event we lovingly refer to as Parent/Teacher conferences.  Let’s be honest here.  Nobody loves it.  It is a long day for teachers and drudgery for most parents.  Because my husband and I sent our children to a tiny K-12 school district, all conferences were held on the same night(s).  Traveling from class to class for our four children literally took hours – 10 minutes at each stop to tell us our children were doing just fine and 40 minutes to discuss our wheat crop and current grain prices.  The bright spot was the homemade desserts and coffee loving displayed in the hallway.

I am on the other side of the desk now.  I actually like them more now than I did as a parent.  I get to look parents in the eye and honestly share the strengths and challenges their child possesses.  Most parents appreciate the honest appraisal, I think.  Better to know than wonder.  It is usually a healthy conversation. 

I think my experiences as a parent have helped me as a teacher. I try to remember the feelings of being told they were excelling or struggling.  It can be an emotional roller coaster.  Every parent wants to hear praise and glowing reports.  It can be tough to hear less.

As a formal educator now, there are few things I am a little desperate for parents to understand about their child in this great grinding wheel of education.  Maybe these things will help you understand your child’s experience better in general, and teachers in particular.  Here they are:

1.     I will never know your child as well as you do.  I spend many hours with your child, yes indeed, I do.  Sometimes too many hours and sometimes not enough.  I assess and listen to them stumble over words and struggle to add those darn 9 fact families.  But your child is your progeny.  Your flesh and blood.  You know their moods and what happened at home this morning to make them so weepy (or angry or silly).  I am an expert at teaching.  You are the expert on your child.  Speak up.  Tell me if I misunderstand your child’s learning style or fail to see their grasp of concepts that seem to elude them at school or on a test.  I want to hear it in your own words.  I like your child, but you love your child.  There is a vast and unfathomable difference.

2.     You are and always will be your child’s best advocate.  If you are frustrated that they are frustrated with something at school, please come to me.  I can only address the things I am aware of.  If they love school, do me a favor and tell me.  Teachers like an “atta boy” once in awhile too. 

3.     I am not your enemy.  If there is issue that leaves you frustrated or angry, let’s have an adult conversation.  Accusations will only throw up a few stony emotional walls between us.  Come to the table with the problem and some possible solutions.  We’ll talk.  I want to hear what you have to say but I don’t have the time or energy to wade through a sea of angry rants.  We can do this calmly and part friends.  I choose to believe the best in you.  I hope you will return the favor.

4.     We are partners, you and I.  I may not love everything about the way you parent, or communicate with me, or approach life in general.  It is quite possible you won’t love all things about me either.  That's OK.  The rugged reality is, we have been thrown together for nine months with the corporate goal of helping your child grow toward the next grade.  The raw truth is (oh, if parents truly understood this…!), I cannot do it without you.  I have file folders stuffed with strategies, graphic organizers, and cutesy art projects, but YOU… you, my friend, are the sun, moon, and stars in your child's universe.  If you say, “Let’s read together for a few minutes.”  They will come running.  If you ask at the cash register while you pay for your Slushy, “What is this coin called and how much is it worth?,” they will quickly learn that a quarter is worth twenty-five cents.  Your impromptu reading and math lessons will always go further than my carefully crafted, standards-aligned, works of genius. 

So when you sit in my tiny chairs at my tiny table for conferences and I show you reams of standardized test scores and examples of their work, I will look you in your tired eyes and say, “Let’s work together, you and I.  Help me understand your child and I will help you understand my student.  You may not know this, but I need you more than you need me.  You are the REAL teacher in this sloppy partnership." 

I hope you take your role seriously.

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